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It's Friday, tell me a joke

Discussion in 'Mind-less Babel' started by Sushi Boy, Jan 27, 2006.

  1. Sushi Boy

    Sushi Boy DAM CHUMmer

    A man and a woman who never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.

    After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.

    In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

    The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."

    "Well, sure!" says the man.

    "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"
     
    Jen and watermonkee like this.
  2. watermonkee

    watermonkee CHUM Secretary Staff Member

    Why did the ray stop to talk to a scuba diver?


    Because, obviously, he needed to have a man-ta-man conversation.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2018
    Ms KJenn Dives and Jen like this.
  3. Sushi Boy

    Sushi Boy DAM CHUMmer

    One for the Red Sea people:

    Archaeologists excavating a pyramid near Cairo were surprised to find a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. After consulting with Egyptologists, they determined it to be to be the remains of the lesser-known Pharaoh Rocher.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2018
    Jen, Heidi Ho and Seaagg05 like this.
  4. Sushi Boy

    Sushi Boy DAM CHUMmer

    "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"


    "Yes, we arson."
     
    Jen and Seaagg05 like this.
  5. AngelaN

    AngelaN New Member

    0EE54180-4A06-45F0-BAB7-8AC5535D4C2A.jpeg
     
    Jen and Sushi Boy like this.
  6. Sushi Boy

    Sushi Boy DAM CHUMmer

    Here's one Townes Van Zandt liked to tell:

    A police officer stops a drunk man walking down the street.

    The officer says, “Something we can help you with this evening, sir?”

    The drunk replies, “Ossifer, I, I, I think somebody stole my c-c-car.”

    “Ok,” the cop says. “Where did you last see it?”

    The drunk holds out his key chain and says, “Right at the end of this here key.”

    Shaking his head, the officer replies, “Alright, buddy, why don't you just call a cab. And zip up your fly while you're at it.”

    The drunk looks down and cries, “Oh, man, they got my girlfriend too!”
     
    Jen likes this.
  7. Jen

    Jen Tiger Shark

    This is terrible, but I still laughed
    FB_IMG_1536240087493.jpg
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2018
  8. AngelaN

    AngelaN New Member

    Yeah these are bad
     

    Attached Files:

    Jen and Sushi Boy like this.
  9. McLOT

    McLOT Tiger Shark

    Islay - just west of Tatooine.

    Use the Force.JPG
     
    Sushi Boy likes this.
  10. AngelaN

    AngelaN New Member

    A terrorist was learning to blow up a bus, Burnt his lips instead
     
    Jen, Sushi Boy and Seaagg05 like this.
  11. Sushi Boy

    Sushi Boy DAM CHUMmer

    A lady walks into Harrods and browses around. After a while she spots some beautiful diamond earrings and walks over to inspect them. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

    Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that nobody was anywhere near.

    As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her – a good-looking one, at that.

    Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods. He politely greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”

    Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, “What is the price of these lovely earrings?”

    He answers, “Madam, if you farted just looking at them, you’re going to crap yourself when I tell you the price.”
     
    Jen and Heidi Ho like this.

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