Hump Day Humor

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
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Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday. “I need to inspect your farm for growing illegal drugs.”

I said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his back pocket, the officer pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this f***ing badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… on ANY land! No questions asked or answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”

I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull!

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he’d get gored before reaching safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

So, I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs.

“Your badge, show him your f***ing BADGE!!!”
 

Lakediver

Adam's Personal Travel Agent, Apparently
Diver of the Year
First Name
Jennifer
The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!” Reaching into his back pocket, the officer pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face. “See this f***ing badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish… on ANY land! No questions asked or answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”
Except that badge means he's bound by the US Constitution, which explicitly forbids "unreasonable search and seizure". Which means the DEA officer is required to either have the owner's consent or a warrant, which requires probable cause. Something ALL federal agents would do well to remember.
 

Brambles

Tiger Shark
First Name
Joshua
Except that badge means he's bound by the US Constitution, which explicitly forbids "unreasonable search and seizure". Which means the DEA officer is required to either have the owner's consent or a warrant, which requires probable cause. Something ALL federal agents would do well to remember.
Actually, a warrant is only needed for the home and its curtilage and doesnt apply to open fields around a home. Check out Oliver v. United States, 1984
 

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
A young family moved into the house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew showed up to build a home on it.

Their 5-year-old daughter was fascinated and spent every day watching the crew work. Eventually, the rough-and-ready workers adopted her as a little mascot. They chatted with her, shared lunch breaks, and even gave her small jobs to make her feel included.

At the end of the week, they handed her a little pay envelope with a couple of dollars. Her mom was so proud and took her to the bank to start a savings account.

The teller, impressed, asked how she earned her paycheck.

The little girl said proudly, “I worked last week with the crew building the house next door.”

The teller smiled and asked, “Will you be working there again this week?”

She replied, “I will - if those lazy bastards at Home Depot ever deliver the f****ing sand and cement.”
 

Heidi Ho

CHUM Fan
First Name
Holly
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.

I turned to a local tribesman and said "That lizard's really funny."

The tribesman replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand up chameleon"
 
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