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Two for the Price of One
Join us for 3rd Thurs With CHUM on June 18st at the usual time of 7:30 pm CT at Jake's Sports Bar or Zoom. We will be joined by Jenny Stock from NOAA's Greater Farallones and Cordell Bank National Marine Sanctuaries! More details at this link. -
2nd Sunday w/ CHUM
Join us for 2nd Sunday with CHUM on June 14th at 10:00am CT on Bowling Beach at Blue Lagoon! More details at this link. -
CHUM stickers are here! Put one on your scuba tank, your gear box, your car, your forehead. See a club officer to get yours.
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Become a full fledged CHUM member by paying only $35/year to become a Tiger Shark, pay for trips or even pick up an extra CHUM T-shirt or CHUM patch here: CHUM Payments.
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For CHUM's list of greater Houston area dive shops, dive sites, and dive charter operators see this link.
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CHUM - Houston's SCUBA Club is the sponsor of the Texas SCUBA Diver license plate. Get yours at MyPlates.com!
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Stream2Sea! Great products that are good for humans and the reef. Use the affiliate link below or check out with coupon code “chumrocks” and get 10% off your purchase. Click this CHUM affiliate link to order your products.
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Follow CHUM on these platforms to keep up with what the club has going on Facebook, Instagram, Scubaboard, and YouTube.
And for Texas Dive Plates: TDP Facebook and TDP Instagram.
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Questions, suggestions, want to lead a CHUM trip or learn about the CHUM officers? Contact us: Your CHUM Board of Directors.
Hump Day Humor
- Thread starter Captain HardHead
- Start date
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him - she swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because, since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because, since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!' St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
A man, who's been holding down his spot at the bar for quite some time, beckons to the bartender and manages to slur out, "H-hey man... I need to use your toilet before I go."
Barkeep nods, and points to the staircase in the back of the room.
"Up those, first door on your left."
The drunk manages to stumble his way up, much to the bemusement of the other patrons. Barkeep thinks nothing of it, until about 5 minutes later, there is a blood-curdling scream that lasts a full 10 seconds before a hushed silence falls over the bar. The barkeep quickly assures the patrons that the drunk man is fine, he's alone, he's just being stupid up there, somehow.
5 more minutes pass before a tortured wail of pain echoes once more from the stairs, and now people are beginning to leave. The barkeep, not wanting to lose more business, leaps from behind the counter, sprints up the stairs, and swings the door open to reveal...
The drunk, sitting down with his pants 'round his ankles. The bartender, furious, begins to shout,
"You drunken dumbass, what are you doing?!"
The drunk shouts back, in a mixture of pain and rage,
"Hey screw you, man, every time I flush your damn toilet, it bites me!"
The bartender shakes his hand and points to the porcelain throne in question.
"THAT'S my toilet! You're sitting on my mop wringer!"
Barkeep nods, and points to the staircase in the back of the room.
"Up those, first door on your left."
The drunk manages to stumble his way up, much to the bemusement of the other patrons. Barkeep thinks nothing of it, until about 5 minutes later, there is a blood-curdling scream that lasts a full 10 seconds before a hushed silence falls over the bar. The barkeep quickly assures the patrons that the drunk man is fine, he's alone, he's just being stupid up there, somehow.
5 more minutes pass before a tortured wail of pain echoes once more from the stairs, and now people are beginning to leave. The barkeep, not wanting to lose more business, leaps from behind the counter, sprints up the stairs, and swings the door open to reveal...
The drunk, sitting down with his pants 'round his ankles. The bartender, furious, begins to shout,
"You drunken dumbass, what are you doing?!"
The drunk shouts back, in a mixture of pain and rage,
"Hey screw you, man, every time I flush your damn toilet, it bites me!"
The bartender shakes his hand and points to the porcelain throne in question.
"THAT'S my toilet! You're sitting on my mop wringer!"
Last edited:
Siren
Tiger Shark
- First Name
- Amanda
Very clever, Heidi Ho!!
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
Paddy Reilly hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” – and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.
In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?” So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh,” she said, “that is very nice, dear.”
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy’s drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?”
She replied: “Aye – and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come”.
In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?” So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh,” she said, “that is very nice, dear.”
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy’s drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?”
She replied: “Aye – and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come”.
Siren
Tiger Shark
- First Name
- Amanda