• Two for the Price of One
    Join us for 3rd Thurs With CHUM on June 18st at the usual time of 7:30 pm CT at Jake's Sports Bar or Zoom. We will be joined by Jenny Stock from NOAA's Greater Farallones and Cordell Bank National Marine Sanctuaries! More details at this link.
  • 2nd Sunday w/ CHUM
    Join us for 2nd Sunday with CHUM on June 14th at 10:00am CT on Bowling Beach at Blue Lagoon! More details at this link.
  • CHUM stickers are here! Put one on your scuba tank, your gear box, your car, your forehead. See a club officer to get yours.
  • Become a full fledged CHUM member by paying only $35/year to become a Tiger Shark, pay for trips or even pick up an extra CHUM T-shirt or CHUM patch here: CHUM Payments.
  • For CHUM's list of greater Houston area dive shops, dive sites, and dive charter operators see this link.
  • CHUM - Houston's SCUBA Club is the sponsor of the Texas SCUBA Diver license plate. Get yours at MyPlates.com!
  • Stream2Sea! Great products that are good for humans and the reef. Use the affiliate link below or check out with coupon code “chumrocks” and get 10% off your purchase. Click this CHUM affiliate link to order your products.
  • Follow CHUM on these platforms to keep up with what the club has going on Facebook, Instagram, Scubaboard, and YouTube.

    And for Texas Dive Plates: TDP Facebook and TDP Instagram.

  • Questions, suggestions, want to lead a CHUM trip or learn about the CHUM officers? Contact us: Your CHUM Board of Directors.

It's Friday, tell us a joke

Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers to celebrate the occasion. The flowers arrived at the new business office and the owner read the card which said, “Rest in Peace.” The owner, being irritated about that, called the florist to complain.

After he'd told the florist of the obvious mistake and how mad he was, the florist replied, “Sir, I really am very sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you could try imagining this: somewhere, there's a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new location!’”
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
062119-001.jpg
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
I know a guy who lives just outside Chernobyl in Ukraine. He watched that new miniseries on HBO and said in the first episode alone, he'd counted 9 historical inaccuracies on one hand.
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
Every Friday night, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the donation box at church. This went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her.

“Mrs. Bradley, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the donation box,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and what I don’t need I give to the church.”

“That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”

“Oh, $2,000 a week.”

“Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?”

“I believe he is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That is a very honorable profession. Where does he practice?”

“Well, he has one cat house in Chicago, and another in Dallas…”
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
Norman and his wife live in Fargo, ND.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, “We're going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”

Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later, while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today, you must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”

So, Norman’s wife goes out and moves her car.

The next week they're sitting at the table after breakfast and the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 10 -12 inches of snow today, you must park…” and then the electricity goes out in the middle of the sentence.

Norman’s wife says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do…”

Norman, peeking over the top of his newspaper, says, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
The small town doctor who had been seeing an 80 year old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you know these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

"Yes doctor, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep."

She reached over and patted the young doctor's knee. "Yes dear, I know that, but every morning I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks. Believe you me, it helps me sleep at night."
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
Dave is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea.

As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother Fred with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Dave, "your brother's 103 years old. He can't help."

"Fred may be 103," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Dave heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replies Fred. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Ok," Dave asks, "Where did it go?"

"I don't remember," says Fred
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
Franz Kafka's parents come into his room one morning to wake him for work, only to discover their son has undergone metamorphosis into a disgusting insect.

Upon seeing his son's sorry state, Mr. Kafka runs to his son's desk, grabs a small aquarium of sea invertebrates and dumps it out the window.

Mrs. Kafka, appalled, asks him why he would do that.

Mr. Kafka replies, "With Franz like this, who needs anemones?"
 
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