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Two for the Price of One
Join us for 3rd Thurs With CHUM on June 18st at the usual time of 7:30 pm CT at Jake's Sports Bar or Zoom. We will be joined by Jenny Stock from NOAA's Greater Farallones and Cordell Bank National Marine Sanctuaries! More details at this link. -
2nd Sunday w/ CHUM
Join us for 2nd Sunday with CHUM on June 14th at 10:00am CT on Bowling Beach at Blue Lagoon! More details at this link. -
CHUM stickers are here! Put one on your scuba tank, your gear box, your car, your forehead. See a club officer to get yours.
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Become a full fledged CHUM member by paying only $35/year to become a Tiger Shark, pay for trips or even pick up an extra CHUM T-shirt or CHUM patch here: CHUM Payments.
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For CHUM's list of greater Houston area dive shops, dive sites, and dive charter operators see this link.
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CHUM - Houston's SCUBA Club is the sponsor of the Texas SCUBA Diver license plate. Get yours at MyPlates.com!
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Stream2Sea! Great products that are good for humans and the reef. Use the affiliate link below or check out with coupon code “chumrocks” and get 10% off your purchase. Click this CHUM affiliate link to order your products.
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Follow CHUM on these platforms to keep up with what the club has going on Facebook, Instagram, Scubaboard, and YouTube.
And for Texas Dive Plates: TDP Facebook and TDP Instagram.
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Questions, suggestions, want to lead a CHUM trip or learn about the CHUM officers? Contact us: Your CHUM Board of Directors.
It's Friday, tell us a joke
- Thread starter Sushi Boy
- Start date
- First Name
- Roger
A married couple in their early 60's was celebrating their 41st wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment. "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Ungrateful old men should remember that fairies are female.......
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment. "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me."
The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Ungrateful old men should remember that fairies are female.......
wanderwoman
Tiger Shark
- First Name
- Jennifer
I once had a dog named Jaws. Kind of wishing now it had occurred to me to take him to the beach!
- First Name
- Roger
I ran into Bill Withers in an airport a few years ago and mentioned to him that "ain't no sunshine" is very poor grammar.
He said, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know."
He said, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know."
- First Name
- Roger
Officer Murphy is on his patrol through town when he sees one of the regular drunks walking around and he has a penguin with him.
The officer goes over to him and asks, "Paddy, where did you get that penguin?"
"I found him," Paddy replies.
"Well take him to the zoo would you?" says Murphy.
"That's a brilliant idea, Murph," says Paddy, "I'll do that, that's brilliant," and heads off towards the zoo.
The next day Officer Murphy is on his patrol and he sees Paddy again, and he still has the penguin with him. "Paddy," he calls, "didn't you take that penguin to the zoo?"
"Yes I did," says Paddy. "He loved it, and today we're going to the cinema."
The officer goes over to him and asks, "Paddy, where did you get that penguin?"
"I found him," Paddy replies.
"Well take him to the zoo would you?" says Murphy.
"That's a brilliant idea, Murph," says Paddy, "I'll do that, that's brilliant," and heads off towards the zoo.
The next day Officer Murphy is on his patrol and he sees Paddy again, and he still has the penguin with him. "Paddy," he calls, "didn't you take that penguin to the zoo?"
"Yes I did," says Paddy. "He loved it, and today we're going to the cinema."
- First Name
- Roger
Well I finally lost it!!!!
I was in Walgreens this morning to buy some bleach and saw a guy whose cart was FULL to the brim with hand sanitizers, baby wipes, soaps, everything that people need!
I called him selfish and gave him the low down about the elderly, moms, and other people who need these types of things. Told him he should be ashamed of himself!!
He said, “Are you done? Cause I really need to get back to restocking the shelves now."
I was in Walgreens this morning to buy some bleach and saw a guy whose cart was FULL to the brim with hand sanitizers, baby wipes, soaps, everything that people need!
I called him selfish and gave him the low down about the elderly, moms, and other people who need these types of things. Told him he should be ashamed of himself!!
He said, “Are you done? Cause I really need to get back to restocking the shelves now."
- First Name
- Scott
1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house
2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not
3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open
4. You must not go to work but you can get another job and go to work
5. You should not go to the Drs or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there
6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable people. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster
7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes or not
8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out
9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some
10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it effects
11. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11)
13. You will have many symptoms if your get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...
14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go out shopping
15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic
16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication
17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out
18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including Pizza...
19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver
20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours... six hours... I mean days, not hours... But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic
22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores to be education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am
23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am
24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of… the people who die of corona who aren’t counted won’t be counted
25. You should stay in locked down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected
26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music
27. No business will go down due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will go down due to Coronavirus
2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not
3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open
4. You must not go to work but you can get another job and go to work
5. You should not go to the Drs or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there
6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable people. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster
7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes or not
8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out
9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some
10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it effects
11. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11)
13. You will have many symptoms if your get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...
14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go out shopping
15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic
16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication
17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out
18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including Pizza...
19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver
20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours... six hours... I mean days, not hours... But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic
22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores to be education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am
23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am
24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of… the people who die of corona who aren’t counted won’t be counted
25. You should stay in locked down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected
26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music
27. No business will go down due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will go down due to Coronavirus