It's Friday, tell us a joke

Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
A plumber was called to a woman’s house to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that they were both extremely attracted to each other and during the course of the afternoon the two became very friendly.

About 4:30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. “That was my husband,” she said, “He’s on his way home, but he’s going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off.”

The plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. “What? On my own time??”
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
On average, the panda feeds for 15 hours a day. This is the same as an adult human at home under quarantine, which is why we call it a "pandemic".

052920-001.jpg
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets. We're one short."
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
An old geezer was sitting on a park bench, looking very sad. A young man noticed his sad face and decided to try and comfort him, asking him what was the matter.

The old man said, "I got married yesterday to a beautiful young lady. She 24 years old and loves to do nothing but cook and make love."

The young man was surprised. "Sounds pretty good to me. Why are you so sad?"

The old man replied, "I can't remember where I live."
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
Scientists have found that one dog year does not equal seven human years.

In fact, the only thing that equals seven human years is 2020.
 
Sushi Boy

Sushi Boy

Shananigator
DAM CHUMmer
First Name
Roger
A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together.

Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,' gushed son number one. 'Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.'

'Not to worry,' said the father. 'The important thing is that we're all together today.'

Son number two arrived and announced, 'You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you.'

'It's nothing,' said the father, 'We're glad you were able to come.'

Just then the daughter arrived, 'Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't have time to get you anything.'

After they had finished dessert, the father said, 'There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college.

Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.'

The three children gasped and all said, 'You mean we're bastards?'

'Yep,' said the father. 'And cheap ones too.'
 
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