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2nd Sunday w/ CHUM
Join us for 2nd Sunday with CHUM on June 14th at 10:00am CT on Bowling Beach at Blue Lagoon! More details at this link. -
CHUM stickers are here! Put one on your scuba tank, your gear box, your car, your forehead. See a club officer to get yours.
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Become a full fledged CHUM member by paying only $35/year to become a Tiger Shark, pay for trips or even pick up an extra CHUM T-shirt or CHUM patch here: CHUM Payments.
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For CHUM's list of greater Houston area dive shops, dive sites, and dive charter operators see this link.
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CHUM - Houston's SCUBA Club is the sponsor of the Texas SCUBA Diver license plate. Get yours at MyPlates.com!
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Stream2Sea! Great products that are good for humans and the reef. Use the affiliate link below or check out with coupon code “chumrocks” and get 10% off your purchase. Click this CHUM affiliate link to order your products.
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Follow CHUM on these platforms to keep up with what the club has going on Facebook, Instagram, Scubaboard, and YouTube.
And for Texas Dive Plates: TDP Facebook and TDP Instagram.
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Questions, suggestions, want to lead a CHUM trip or learn about the CHUM officers? Contact us: Your CHUM Board of Directors.
Hump Day Humor
- Thread starter Captain HardHead
- Start date
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
That's so funny, @Sushi Boy, it was just a random pic I found.
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
A sweet little old lady walked into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around. She went up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and said she wanted to join. He could barely contain his laughter and decided to have some fun with her before he told her off.
"Do you even own a bike?" he asked.
"I do. It's parked right outside."
"Do you swear?"
"More than a f***ing sailor,”she said.
"Do you drink?"
"Like a fish."
The leader was impressed and asked one more question.
"Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The old lady thought for a minute and then said, “No, but I've been swung around by the nipples a few times.”
"Do you even own a bike?" he asked.
"I do. It's parked right outside."
"Do you swear?"
"More than a f***ing sailor,”she said.
"Do you drink?"
"Like a fish."
The leader was impressed and asked one more question.
"Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The old lady thought for a minute and then said, “No, but I've been swung around by the nipples a few times.”
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop.
"Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!" Edward replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?". "It was at the end of this key", Edward replies.
At this point the cop looks down to see that Edward's d*ck is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself?
Edward looks down sadly and moans, "OHHH GOD...they got Julie too!"
"Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!" Edward replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?". "It was at the end of this key", Edward replies.
At this point the cop looks down to see that Edward's d*ck is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself?
Edward looks down sadly and moans, "OHHH GOD...they got Julie too!"
- First Name
- Jennifer
This is coincidentally quite timely, because I crossed my first moat today. AND went inside a turret.
Attachments
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
A country rube is about to get married and he asks his Pa,
“Pa, how can I tell if I’m the first feller Norma Sue has ever been with on our wedding night?”
“Well that’s easy son. Just do what I did on my own wedding night. All ya need is some red paint, some blue paint, and a shovel.”
“What the heck do I need those things fer?”
“Well son, you take the red paint and you color one of yer testicles red, then you take the blue paint and ya color the other one blue.”
“Really! And then what Pa?”
“Well then if she says that that’s the strangest looking pair o’ balls she’s ever seen, ya hit her with the shovel!”
“Pa, how can I tell if I’m the first feller Norma Sue has ever been with on our wedding night?”
“Well that’s easy son. Just do what I did on my own wedding night. All ya need is some red paint, some blue paint, and a shovel.”
“What the heck do I need those things fer?”
“Well son, you take the red paint and you color one of yer testicles red, then you take the blue paint and ya color the other one blue.”
“Really! And then what Pa?”
“Well then if she says that that’s the strangest looking pair o’ balls she’s ever seen, ya hit her with the shovel!”
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice
She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”
She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?”
The other answers, “I don’t know—I thought you were watching.”
She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!” As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, “YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”
She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?”
The other answers, “I don’t know—I thought you were watching.”