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Two for the Price of One
Join us for 3rd Thurs With CHUM on June 18st at the usual time of 7:30 pm CT at Jake's Sports Bar or Zoom. We will be joined by Jenny Stock from NOAA's Greater Farallones and Cordell Bank National Marine Sanctuaries! More details at this link. -
2nd Sunday w/ CHUM
Join us for 2nd Sunday with CHUM on June 14th at 10:00am CT on Bowling Beach at Blue Lagoon! More details at this link. -
CHUM stickers are here! Put one on your scuba tank, your gear box, your car, your forehead. See a club officer to get yours.
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Become a full fledged CHUM member by paying only $35/year to become a Tiger Shark, pay for trips or even pick up an extra CHUM T-shirt or CHUM patch here: CHUM Payments.
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For CHUM's list of greater Houston area dive shops, dive sites, and dive charter operators see this link.
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CHUM - Houston's SCUBA Club is the sponsor of the Texas SCUBA Diver license plate. Get yours at MyPlates.com!
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Stream2Sea! Great products that are good for humans and the reef. Use the affiliate link below or check out with coupon code “chumrocks” and get 10% off your purchase. Click this CHUM affiliate link to order your products.
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Follow CHUM on these platforms to keep up with what the club has going on Facebook, Instagram, Scubaboard, and YouTube.
And for Texas Dive Plates: TDP Facebook and TDP Instagram.
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Questions, suggestions, want to lead a CHUM trip or learn about the CHUM officers? Contact us: Your CHUM Board of Directors.
Hump Day Humor
- Thread starter Captain HardHead
- Start date
Ms KJenn Dives
Tiger Shark
- First Name
- Brenda
There's not a trace of doubt in my mind....
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland and she was seated next to a priest. She asked: "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"
"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"
"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I cannot lie."
"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the "hair remover".
The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son, he replied.
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?"
The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next!"
"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"
"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"
"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I cannot lie."
"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the "hair remover".
The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son, he replied.
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?"
The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next!"
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
If Microsoft made dive gear:
Useless tips would show up on your dive computer every time you turn it on.
None of your new gear would be compatible with any of your old stuff.
When you called Microsoft to schedule a dive trip, you would be left on hold for a long time, and when you finally talked to someone you would be given a lot of information on diving that was absolutely correct but completely useless.
Every dive computer would be from Microsoft and any deaths from them would be explained as a "beta version" problems. Don’t worry, we’ll fix that in the next release.
Every time you were really close to your destination, your boat would crash.
Your air supply would stop and have to be restarted every couple of minutes and you would accept this as normal.
Useless tips would show up on your dive computer every time you turn it on.
None of your new gear would be compatible with any of your old stuff.
When you called Microsoft to schedule a dive trip, you would be left on hold for a long time, and when you finally talked to someone you would be given a lot of information on diving that was absolutely correct but completely useless.
Every dive computer would be from Microsoft and any deaths from them would be explained as a "beta version" problems. Don’t worry, we’ll fix that in the next release.
Every time you were really close to your destination, your boat would crash.
Your air supply would stop and have to be restarted every couple of minutes and you would accept this as normal.
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in,” he tells them, “you must each produce something representative of the holidays.”
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope.” Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. “These are bells.” He’s allowed in too.
“So,” Peter says to the third man, “what do you have?”
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.
“What do these have to do with Christmas?” asks Peter.
“They’re Carol’s.”
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope.” Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. “These are bells.” He’s allowed in too.
“So,” Peter says to the third man, “what do you have?”
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.
“What do these have to do with Christmas?” asks Peter.
“They’re Carol’s.”
dutch
Nurse Shark
- First Name
- John
Go visit the naughty girls on my list!
Heidi Ho
CHUM Fan
- First Name
- Holly
Two women were playing golf when one teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards four men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I may be able to help relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him."Oh, no, I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her insistence, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away, laid them to the side, loosened his pants and placed her hands inside on his groin. She administered a tender massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, "It feels pretty good, but my thumb still hurts."
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I may be able to help relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him."Oh, no, I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.
At her insistence, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away, laid them to the side, loosened his pants and placed her hands inside on his groin. She administered a tender massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, "It feels pretty good, but my thumb still hurts."