It's Friday, tell us a joke

[Sushi Boy]

Kim Jong-un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."

Kim Jong applauds. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"

The student replies "An orphan."

 

[Sushi Boy]

What do you call a magical dog?

A labra-cadabra-dor.

 

[McLOT]

The public sector is the same everywhere.

 

[Sushi Boy]

Three guys leaving a bar got into a taxi.

The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine, turned it off again, then said, "we’ve reached your destination."

The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said, "thank you".

The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap.

The driver was shocked, thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked, "what was that for?"

The 3rd guy replied, "WATCH YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!”

 

[Sushi Boy]

What do you call a guy who isn’t a father but tells dad jokes?


A faux pa.

 

[Sushi Boy]

In Germany, they even have a sausage made out of other sausages.

It’s the wurst of the wurst.

 

[McLOT]

Winter is coming……

 

[Sushi Boy]

I was arguing with a guy at the pub who said he was a big pop star in the 80s. I didn’t believe him but he was adamant…

 

[Sushi Boy]

Today I learned that you can use disposable masks to brew espresso.

That's because they're coughy filters.

 

[Sushi Boy]

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Australia and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Fosters beers, draft please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"

"Off to America next month," says John. "We go to America every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?"

Jim agrees.

"Ah, America!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... New York, L.A, Vegas..."

"Nah, we don't like that American crap," says John. "Meat pies and Fosters beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the Yanks with all their political rubbish these days!"

"So why keep going to America?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

 

[McLOT]

Good news everyone. I’m prepared for the winter season.
I’ve found a plumber who works around the clock.

 

[McLOT]

 

[Sushi Boy]

Since my Friday wasn’t until today.

I asked the scuba diving instructor if I would ever qualify. “You might,” he said, “but don’t hold your breath.”

 

[McLOT]

Yep - my 9/80 Friday day off comprised an MRI, a dental check-up and then working half of it. Roll on Xmas.

However:

 

[McLOT]

 

[Sushi Boy]

Thought I’d get this up before the website maintenance kicks off.

What is a dinosaur’s least favorite reindeer?


Comet

 

[McLOT]

HNY all.

 

[Sushi Boy]

The Seven Dwarfs have been advised that they can only meet in groups of six. One of them isn't Happy.

 

[Sushi Boy]

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your pan?

You take away their little brooms.

 

[GWNDWN]

Probably would have been funnier last week.......but still